no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
