I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize