you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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