are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
