Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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