I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
