He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
