3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Randomize
