I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
