it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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