I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
