Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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