i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
