oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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