All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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