at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
where are my eyebrows?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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