Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
