My first STD was from a foam party
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
