just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Im part way to drunk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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