I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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