finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
