You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
