I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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