True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
