She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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