i was rollin on her like bob the builder
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
