I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
