Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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