Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
