so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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