So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
