worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't deserve a penis
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
