im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
