i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
