She announced her abortion via fbk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize