Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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