Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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