No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i think my cat just said my name.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
