At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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