If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
