woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
