This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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