Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
