wat bout pragnant strippers??
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
