i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
