can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is it because I queefed?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
