id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
