I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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