You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
