I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
