i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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