if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
