the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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