today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
