before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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