NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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