This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
