I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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