I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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