I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
