my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm at about main and main street
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I lost the right to judge tonight
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize