Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
