Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
