I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
