i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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