the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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