90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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