just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
