things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
