there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
