I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
