I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
