i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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