dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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