i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
third nipple confirmed
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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