she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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