i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
