Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
