when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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