he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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