pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
