and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
