am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize