Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
