Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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