A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
