He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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