Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
