i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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