He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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