I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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