i just had sex bonerless
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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